I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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