Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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