I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
