don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
