Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
True strength comes from lack of pants
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
