If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
