I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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