she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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