I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
