Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
