I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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