"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
