someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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