Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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