Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry about my life...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
