I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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