i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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