Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
