I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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