hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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