Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
