im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
