I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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