Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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