Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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