My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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