Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
