there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
