Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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