advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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