he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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