Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
