i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
