3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so fucking centered right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
