I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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