just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
