I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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