i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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