Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
