She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
