I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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