i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
