am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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