I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
