What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
