think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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