the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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