did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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