this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
