What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
