careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
