everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize