ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
