I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
