I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
