I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your cock deserves a montage
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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