Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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