half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
