are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize