I will die if light touches me.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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