The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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