giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm both gender and math confused
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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