Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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