hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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