I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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