Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
