I can tuck mytits in my pants
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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