All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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