mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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