wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
