Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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