I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
