Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
