you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
