the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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