You work out of a Hotel?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
