I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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