2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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