I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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