would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
