"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
